Hi beautiful people! I know, I know...I haven't written a post in ages and you've probably been wondering where I've been. To tell you the truth, I fell head over heels recently...for Soccer! I joined a team in my local area and between practice and games, my time got pinched a little. That said, I also don't feel the need to force myself to write about things if I really have nothing inspiring me at the moment; I like to let it flow naturally.
So, onto today's post. This is inspired by the person in my life who I've found really trying and difficult, for a number of reasons, for quite some time now but who also happens to be someone I am SO grateful for and SO glad came into my life. You're thinking I'm crazy, right? Not at all, sista (or mista!). I see all of life as learning and opportunities for growth and while sometimes it admittedly might take me a long-ass time to figure out what the lesson is, such as in this scenario, I'm always so glad and grateful when I do.
Today I want to offer you a different perspective to the usual methods offered for dealing with negative people, haters, bullies, whatever you want to call them. These often come in the form of the following instructions: 1) Don't take it personally, 2) ignore them, 3) confront them, 4) Remove yourself from the situation, 5) Have compassion for them etc. I don't know about you but none of those really do it for me anymore. I do tend to take it personally when someone's going out of their way to make my life hard and it's difficult to ignore it if the person is persistent. Confronting them or removing myself from the situation are two options I'm not willing to consider right now, and have compassion...well I'm working on that one :D I was forced to come up with a better solution, one that feels right for me, and it occurred to me that it might help a lot of other people, too. Quite simply, that is:
BUILD YOURSELF UP!
Build yourself up, yo! Man that feels good just saying it. What I mean is, love yourself silly. Do everything and anything you need to, or can, to build up your sense of worth, sense of value and love for yourself. I feel like far too often in our society we spend so much of our energy on the other person in a conflict: avoiding them; ignoring them; having compassion for them. I'd rather not give any more energy to this person than is necessary so I'm actually going to focus on me from here on out. I'll give you some examples of what this looks like, for me, so that you know what I mean:
- Dial up my self care, big time. I'm talking baths, pamper nights, time to myself, meditation, exercise, laughing with friends, heartfelt catch-ups with family, time with my love, time in nature. I do more of all of the things that I know help me feel good, whole, happy and like a beautiful person in this world.
- In the moments after this person has said something upsetting to me, I focus on all of the good things I do and all of my good qualities. My inner best friend (way better than an inner critic!) comes to the fore and I remember everything that's positive about me. Bonus points if it relates specifically to the conversation or whatever was said that was upsetting. Balance it out with good!
- Seek out people in the same environment who do affirm who you know yourself to be: a bright and lovely sparkle of a human being. You've got to get some support and have people in your corner. It will help immensely in allowing you to see that one person's view is actually not reality.
- Last but most definitely not least, I continue being my BEST self. So many times, or make that every time, I've had one of these people in my life, I've ended up so upset and frustrated with their behaviour that I am exactly that - an upset, frustrated, prickly person to be around. This isn't who I'd be or how I'd feel if this person wasn't present, so why let them dictate whether my best self comes out today or not? Ah, no. Haha! Even though it can be tricky at times, remember to smile, take a deep breath, and keep being your lovely, happy, bright self. Don't dial that down just to avoid being speared. Dial it UP to inspire others with your grace.
This is why I can't help but be grateful for this person. Someone who came along to teach me how to amp up my worthy-o-meter, as Melissa Ambrosini calls it, so that even under rapid fire I am steadfast? Wow, what an amazing and important lesson that is. How could I not be grateful for that? I've never managed that 100% before but now I see an opportunity.
Did you find today's post helpful? Did it offer an alternative way of behaving and thinking about this common issue? I'd love to know in the comments what you think.
Thanks for being here,